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Friday, 14 May 2010

The Darwin Awards

You may have never heard about the Darwin Awards. They are not about Charles Darwin but there is a genetics connection.
They are given posthumously to people who have removed themselves from the gene-pool of humanity by stupidly killing themselves before they have had a chance to reproduce, thus improving the total quality of human genes.
Morbid, you may feel, but try not laughing at this story of the man who wanted to fish in a frozen lake.
He went to the lake with his his fishing tackle, his dog and a stick of dynamite. He lit the fuse and tossed the dynamite out onto the ice.
The dog was a retriever.
He faithfully brought the dynamite back and lay it at his master's feet. Goodbye suspect genes!

How about the guy who tied several bungee cords together and, after making sure their length was shorter by several feet than the drop from an overhead gantry tied one end around his ankle and jumped.
We will never know if he realised, before he smashed into the pavement below a few seconds later, that he had measured the unstreched length.

There were two Frenchmen having a spitting contest from a second floor balcony. One of them decided to take a run at the balcony to get some projectile power into his phlegm. The problem was that he couldn't stop himself when he reached the balcony and shot over the top. Really most of these stories hardly need to be finished do they?
For more about the annual Darwin Awards click here .


klahanie said...

Hello bazza,
Not sure whether to laugh or cry. It does point out what a nasty and potentially dangerous pastime that spitting can be.

bazza said...

Gary: I thought the main danger with spitting was passing on TB but I suppose long-distance contests have their own danger too.
Given the option of laughing or crying I'd say go for the laughter!

Alicia said...

I'm laughing. Thank you!

Kelly said...

Ha ha hahahaha. Wonderful stories of human stupidity. What absolute dumb asses! I think pretty much anybody reading these tales would think themselves to be brilliant in comparison to these imbeciles. Thanks for the laughs.

bazza said...

Alicia: Pleased to have helped you to do that, ma'am!

Kelly: I have already reproduced, so whatever I do now I can't qualify for this award. I can relax and be stupid, knowing my genes will march through the ages!

Sir Tom Eagerly said...

My uncle, Lord Eagerly, tried to find a gas leak in the dark basement of his country house with a lighted candle.
Poor (late) uncle Eric.
Poor house.
Bazza, I am shocked to learn that you have reproduced! Is that wise old boy? Are we safe?

bazza said...

Sir Tom: You are a rascal! Thanks for the laugh though. Even though your stories sound like you make them up as you go along, you are an entertainment.

Bob said...

This reminds me of that famous poem by Larkin. You posted it on your blog not long ago.

So perhaps these people aren't so stupid. They were merely (albeit subconsciously) taking his advice.

bazza said...

Bob:, you have reminded me, quite correctly, that these stories are rather sad at heart.
Deep down inside I doubt the authenticity of some of them but you can't deny that they are funny.

Kathy Trejo said...

Thank you for making me laugh ;-) funny post..i never heard of these awards. I also want to thank you for visiting my blog.

bazza said...

Hi Kathy. I think I followed you from Bob's blog, (Tolkiens Tree).
Like his blog, yours is all the better for being short and snappy but thought-provoking.
Thanks for visiting. I am already following your blog!